Men. Man, what’s going on? Or should the question be what’s been going on, all along … since the beginning of time? A lot of famous men in show biz and politics are being accused of sexual misconduct, if not outright assault, by the fairer sex. Most of these alleged—and acknowledged incidents (thanks Louis CK)—occurred decades ago usually when the victims were young women or teens. Every day we learn of a new allegation, another long-time famous and powerful man from the movie industry to government, Republicans and Democrats, gay and straight. Al Franken? Well he has the distinction of working in both man-made realms. Perhaps the reason all the dirty laundry is coming out now is due to Bill Cosby and Donald Trump: one left to ruin, the other still elected President of the United States. Both scenarios cast perspective on our society: No one really cares about what women say when it comes to men and sexcapades especially from decades ago. It will always be he said/she said. Not so fast. The days of giving the accused good ol’ boy a fair shake until proven guilty may be coming to an end as women’s stories, their recollections, are now believed by millions and millions of people, women and men, living in this newly created era.
In trying to figure out all this unseemly activity between the sexes, it may appear a lot of men do not know how to behave in the presence of a woman, especially if the woman is not his date or even interested in him in a romantic way, if she’s just his friend or co-worker or employee. Seems men have a need to be the aggressor and women to be unimpressed, coy (which confuses men) or willing to play along. Monica Lewinsky confided to Barbara Walters that she hiked the back of her skirt to let President Bill Clinton see her thong underwear: She wanted to let him know she was available for play. What a national mess that turned out to be, and whether or not Hillary Clinton wants to admit it, that impeachment ordeal had a lot to do with Americans declining to give her the presidency.
Boob tube
In retrospect the blurring of appropriate and inappropriate behavior between the sexes came along with the bawdy TV sitcom, and long-time rerun, “Married with Children.” In the opening credits, tired shoe salesman Al Bundy plops on the couch to mindlessly watch TV but not before pushing his hand down his pants, just a little beneath the waist. Either he’s just being a guy and wants to relax and let his meal settle (Al hardly ever ate a meal), or it suggests masturbation. That show first aired three decades ago. Through the years we’ve seen an onslaught of FOX TV shows with women as mere sex kittens, gratuitous sex scenes, not to leave out other networks and cable TV with the likes of “The Man Show,” along with sleazy horror movies and video games where women must be raped, popular comedic phrases like “I’m rich, bitch” and a generation of misogynistic rap lyrics. Women have been objectified on a modern sociological scale, still perceived only in sexual context. Damned if she does. Damned if she doesn’t. Damned either way.
When Christianity was forming, there was an all-male sect that believed women to be pure evil, so they best stay away or face eternal damnation. That sect died out. Then the Church rethought the significance of Mary, the mother of Jesus, so maybe women weren’t so bad after all, even serving a divine purpose as men most assuredly believed their own place to be in the eyes of the All-Male God. Yet in practically every society, women continue to be second-class citizens. Women still generate suspicion in men who through the ages have claimed the opposite sex to be everything from witches to whores. It’s been a man’s world all right.
Along with the male inability to see women as equally human, there is the underlying abuse—which is about power. So a male masseuse giving a back massage to a female client pushes muscles until fingers come in contact with a nipple; an Olympic doctor performs sex maneuvers on pre-teens under the guise of gynecological exams; a man simply whips out his thing just to see a woman’s or women’s response; a grungy man hides to spy on women shopping the bra and panty section at a department store. A sixth-grade boy ‘accidentally’ trips and falls into a girl and clutches her breast simultaneously.
Sugar and spice
Wanna know why boys and men get away with this behavior over and over again? First, women are self deprecating by nature: “I could be wrong, but I think he touched my …” So they second guess themselves. They don’t want to accuse and go public if perchance the incident were an innocent, nonsexual misunderstanding. Women are often unsure of themselves or their memories of what really happened. “Men can’t be that nasty, can they?” [Pssst. A man would tell us yes.] Then there’s the fact that women are too damn nice. They don’t want to tell and retell a dirty secret. And ultimately, a lady thinks everyone else will assume she was at fault, a tease. Really? Just socializing or doing business with a man means sex stuff can occur?
Freud was first to report what unwanted sexual advances do to young girls. Repeatedly he found through psychoanalysis that his adult female clients, most of whom were deemed neurotic, were consciously unaware of childhood sex abuse usually by the hands of their fathers and male relatives. He was so disgusted with this unbearable truth—that speaks more about his own sex than the women he helped—he quit the field he pioneered. He just couldn’t take it anymore. Television drug counselor Dr. Drew has been publicly candid about the secret truth that comes out in therapy, how common the issue of childhood sexual abuse is found to be the reason for drug abuse and addiction.
Statistics are one in four girls and one in six boys are victims of sex abuse. And again, most victims never tell the secret. The “Me too” campaign is trying to change all that. Society is being persuaded to not only listen to a female when she speaks of an uncomfortable incident or situation involving a man and his unwanted sexual behavior but also to believe her. If there is any good that will come out of confronting past and current sex and power abuse by men against females of all ages, it is that not all men are this way. There are honorable, decent, good, law-abiding men in this world. They’re out there somewhere.